It is funny how some people's trials in life are well known, while others are almost taboo to talk about. When I was single past the age of 23 (Gasp!), everyone knew it. Everyone knew I didn't date. I didn't even have to say anything. It was just common knowledge.
In some ways it was comforting that I didn't have to talk about it. Sometimes I felt as though a person would look at me as if to say, I understand. You'll be ok. In other ways it was horrible because everyone decided that they were the expert in how I should or shouldn't be living my life. I received countless unsolicited advice. I cannot tell you how many times I heard, Lisa, you just need to put yourself out there.
I don't know what is worse, though. Having everyone know your dirty laundry (so-to-say) or keeping it all to yourself. There have been so many times that my heart just wants to burst with the feelings I hold inside. I am facing a couple of those taboo areas and it is so hard when I already know what people are thinking. I already know what they are dying to ask.
The thing is sometimes I do want to talk about it. I truly believe there is therapy in talking through things. But most of the time I don't because I am reminded even more. I mean I think about it enough as it is. I am also afraid of the unsolicited opinions I will get. I just don't think I am ready to receive it without starting to bawl and having to excuse myself.
So until then I am just going to continue to hold everything close to my heart, even when my heart feels like bursting.
3 comments:
Just wanted to say that I'm glad I've been able to keep up on your beautiful life through blogging. My friend has a quote on her wall that I love. It says, "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." Sending love your way.
Girl, you always did have mad talent in the writing department. Loved this post so.dang.much!
Silent struggles are the hardest for me because my life is usually an open book. But sometimes it's good to keep things close and not broadcast to the world until you are ready. Thinking of you today!
I agree with what DaNae said! Lots of love and hugs.
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