Santa ...

Santa ... I KNOW HIM!

I was going to share my week according to my phone ... but this one takes the cake!

Bieber Fever

My nieces have come down with a major case of Bieber Fever.
They frequently rock their Justin Bieber pajamas (thanks to Grandma J).

When picking out her cast, the younger one chose blue.
Not pink or purple, which happens to be her favorite colors.

Why blue you ask?
Because it is Justin Bieber's favorite color.

Jimmer Love and Other Drugs

Turns out I was on crack last night. I guess it is the fourth week of the month... not the third. Who would've thought. It must run in the family.

Stephanie had left me the funniest voice mail about her experience at the dentist's office yesterday where she may have been given too much laughing gas and told my uncle (aka our dentist) that she was excited to go home and watch Jake Heaps in the basketball game.

Then this proceeded to be our texting conversation throughout the game (once she got straightened out on who is who and what sports they play). 

Some parts may have been removed to protect the innocent.

Steph: Jimmer is attractive. Is he cocky?
Me: Haha. No, he's really nice of what I've seen. I've never talked to him though.
Me: P.S. Your voicemail was hilarious!
Steph: Ya I think him and I are going to get married when i move there.
Steph: And ya I seriously was on drugs.
Me: I think you should marry him. Steve could hook you up. Except he has a girlf. (my short for girlfriend)
Steph: Is there a ring? Well then he's free game.
Me: Touche'

...a while later...

Steph: Wait. You're at the game?
Me: You know it. I wouldn't give up my tickets for this.
Steph: Lucky. My heart just wants to be there right now.
Me: For Jimmer? Another reason to move down here. I think that is reason # 795 you need to move here.

Looks like my non (anti?) BYU family may be warming up to this whole BYU thing ... with Jimmer Fever running high and all. Maybe it's the laughing gas. That must be the only way to cure it. Jimmer Fever. Or more cowbell.

blonde moments (part 2)

I feel like I am being punked.

Ashton, where are you?

I mean I really don't know what else could happen to me right now.

Let's start with the fact that I booked my round-trip flight for Christmas originating from Spokane. I live in Salt Lake. After a minor panic attack and rushing over to our travel ladies at work while holding back the tears ... we were able to use some connections to only pay $200 to switch my flight instead of $350.

Then a couple days later I was on my merry way going home for a much-needed vacation. I drove to my sister Lindsey's house. Steve was going to drop me off at the airport. I told him previously that he could drive my car to and from work. As we got in my car to head to the airport he pointed out how bald my tires were. I looked at them. They were bad. If I can notice it you know it is bad.

I mean like I ever check them. (That's why I take my car in to Les Schwabb. They actually know what they're talking about). Don't fix it if it is not broke, right? Needless to say when Steve said he wouldn't feel comfortable driving it ... I asked them to take my car to get new tires. Five hundred dollars later I am now safe to drive on the roads of Utah.

I thought my bad luck would finally end when I reached my parents house ... usually my safe-haven from the world. Boy was I wrong.

Let's just say I broke two $300 keys in a matter of minutes (which my dad has always reminded us how expensive those keys are). Don't ask how. I don't know. Luckily my dad found a way to get new keys for the fraction of that.

Finally yesterday after I thought I had locked myself out of my sister Adrienne's car (while it was running), I stormed into the house proclaiming that I was done; that I just need to sit in a corner and not touch anything! (Luckily one of the back doors was unlocked).

Ashton, seriously, you can come out now. The joke has been on me long enough.

blonde moments

It is no secret. I am a blonde (as in my haircolor).

I like to claim that I am not blonde (as airhead).

Though I have gotten really good at playing the stupid girl card in auto stores and other "un-girlie" places to get help. For example getting my windshield wipers changed for me when I am completely capable of doing that myself. Being blonde just is an added bonus in that situation. Those are different stories for a different time though.

Recently I have had many a blonde moments. All completely unintentional.

Exhibit A: It is a busy time of year at work, with two major sports in season and with the holidays in full force ...  parties and dinners to help out with. Last week I was helping move boxes back and forth of memorabilia for a dinner we had honoring Elder Holland. The memorabilia included things such as photos, plaques and a this trophy.

As we were moving the boxes and such back to the building I work in, I picked up the trophy to carry it. It was tall, fairly large and had a football on the top of it. Didn't look like anything too special to me. Just another trophy.

A co-worker made a comment to the effect and warning me that people might stop me to get their picture taken with this trophy. I laughed and started walking out the door. I thought they were joking. She continued to say that my other co-worker was stopped (to get a picture of this trophy) as she had brought it over in the first place.

I was confused.

I held up the trophy to study it closer and asked, Wait. What is this?

Everyone started laughing.

It was the 1984 National Championship Trophy.

Good thing I hadn't dropped it. I think I would have jeopardized my employment status if that would have happened.

Carefully carrying the trophy back after the Elder Holland dinner.

black friday

Or maybe I should call it lucky friday. I mean I did get 50% my entire Gap purchase. But the real luck came when I stepped foot into Macy's. I got a $280 wool coat for $65. No joke. I was a little excited. Waking up at 3:30 a.m. was totally worth it.

That was the end of my luck, though, as later that day Ally, my mom and myself decided to go through the McDonald's drive thru for a diet coke. Naturally.

I ordered a diet coke for myself and a dr. pepper for Ally. To my disgust ... after driving away ... they had given me real coca-cola. I wouldn't have been so bugged except for the fact that the exact same thing happened in July when I was home visiting ... at the same McDonald's. I am kinda particular about my diet coke. It is the only soda I will let myself drink.

So this time I decided to do something about it. I turned around and went through the drive thru again to fix their mistake. I think Ally thought I was crazy. I told them what had happened and then proceeded to the second window. They gave me my drink and we drove off. My mistake.

This time they gave me dr. pepper. I was not happy. I can understand one time ...  but two? Not so much. I ended up settling for the dr. pepper as I was afraid they would spit in my drink if I came through a third time ... but it is safe to say from now on I will be taking a sip before I drive away.

cat lady

I joke all the time that I'm destined to become a cat lady. Except there is one problem. I am not too fond of cats. I mean I am fine with people having cats and all. I just don't want one myself. Though when I tell people that, they don't believe me. I guess my track record with cats probably doesn't help.

My brother even nick named me cat killer after I accidentally ran over his cat a few years back. I mean he loved that thing. I refused to touch it. Mostly because it was a stray and we didn't know where it came from. It could have rabies for all we knew. We didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. It's name was simply Cat.

Anyway, it was a summer afternoon. I was home from college and was off to my awesome job at Pizza Hut. That's right. Be jealous. I turned on the car and started reversing out of the driveway when I ran over something. I quickly got out of the car as the cat was yelping and limping into the garage. My heart sunk. Of course it had to be me, the one who refused to touch the thing (I even shewed it out of the garage with a broom one time so I wouldn't have to touch it).

That cat was my brother's baby. I felt and still feel horrible. They ended up having to take the cat to the vet and put it to sleep (but we did finally find out it was a girl). I mean my brother loved that cat so much he taped some of the cat's hair in his journal.

So when I found out this week my sister bought a kitten for my nieces I just had to laugh. It is actually a pretty cute kitten. But I made sure to warn her that they will have to be extra careful when I'm around ... with my tainted past and all. Actually I think my exact wording to Lindsey was Your gonna have to hide your kids, hide your cat... cause you never know what's gonna happen with Lisa around.

From now on though, I will be double checking what is behind my car before I back out of their driveway. I do not want to repeat history.

I'm starting to think it might be safer for me to be a bag lady instead of a cat lady. Though if I had a cat I would really like to dress it up like this...

Ha. Just kidding. 

I don't know why but this picture makes me laugh so hard.

prep girl

Last night I found myself at Kneaders (no surprise there) with a couple friends. We were talking about a variety of things. Very entertaining if I do say so myself. Of course one of the subjects we covered was dating. I mean when you get three 26-year-old girls together you better expect to cover that. Naturally.

I thought about parts of the conversation as I was falling asleep last night and came to a conclusion. I think I'm going into business.

You see. I have a gift.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as me to be blessed with this. I mean I finally found out last night that I wasn't the only one with this gift.

It is a gift that I couldn't even describe how I came across. It is just something innate and natural I guess.

I am what I have come to call a prep girl.

You know, the girl a boy dates right before they meet/date their future wife. It now has officially happened to me seven times (Could be eight. Confirmation is pending). I am the epitome of said prep girl.

I don't even have to be officially dating the boy. It has happened after a blind date.

Believe it. I am that good.

That is why I have decided to go into business. Like a Sarah Jessica Parker in Failure to Launch business. I know, brilliant right?!?

So all you mothers out there feel free to send your single sons my way. Don't you worry, it will be a worth-while investment for you. I can guarantee they will be married in no time.

It's just how it works in this prep girl world of mine.

singles ward

So lately I've been trying to have a positive attitude about going to church activities and the whole being social in my singles ward. Most have been fine I guess. Just the normal of what you can expect from church activities.

Enter last night's Multi-Ward Halloween-Themed FHE. I straight-up lived a scene from the Singles Ward movie. It was traumatic!

It was advertised as an FHE with games, activities and a dance. Before I go any further you should know Lisa doesn't do dances. Especially church dances. But there were going to be other things to do so I figured I was safe. Wrong. I had nightmare flashbacks. My friend and I walked in to the most awkward middle school/stake dance of our lives. You know, where everyone was lining the perimeter of the gym staring at the few who were dancing in the middle.

After about 15 minutes of shock we decided to walk through the spook ally and then peace out. I mean we were making an effort right? As we were waiting in line a kid turns to me and starts making conversation. He wasn't dressed up either so I figured he was normal and I was in the clear from the crazies Until he pulled the following line on me.

Boy: I know what you are for Halloween.
Me: What?
Boy: A supermodel.

Needless to say my friend and I didn't even wait to go through the spook ally. I screamed out of frustration as we left the building (Holly -- I learned from the best!), and we quickly drove to the closest frozen yogurt shop to eat our feelings. I think I'll be taking a break from church activites for a bit.

Lisa needs to recover. Either that or therapy.

boots with the furrrr

So I went on another blind date Saturday night  I think my count is like up to 468, give or take a few (hundred). I am happy to report I have no crazy stories from this one. He was normal. Just no sparks for me I guess.

That is besides the point. I'll not be discussing the date itself, but rather my choice of footwear for the evening. At one point during the night my date commented on my boots and asked if I had any with fur on them. I couldn't tell if he was making fun of them or complimenting them. Not that I care. I love my riding boots . I think he was just fishing for conversation (maybe?).

Anyway, back to the boots. I find it amusing that the only comments I get are from males. I think guys just don't know what to think when it comes to this trend...or if they do have an opinion it is a very strong one, whether for and against them. Whatever it is. I pretty much only receive comments about my boots from men.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I just happen to wear said boots (Steve Madden's Intyce to be exact) to work. I was going about my business as usual helping one of our sweet, elderly volunteers out with parking passes when he commented on my boots. Naturally. He told me he liked them and graciously I said thank you, continuing to work on the passes. He then proceeded to tell me he has tried to convince his wife to buy some. I was a little surprised as he is probably in his mid 70's. I said, Oh ya? She doesn't like them?. He goes, Ya she thinks they're too trendy. I think they're hot.

Hot?  I didn't know how to react to that one. I mean how do you respond to that? A man nearly fifty years your senior calling your boots hot. I think I just responded the the effect of, Well I gotta keep up with the trends I guess (Enter crickets due to awkward silence).

Moral of the story is, if you are ever in need of conversation, attention or just a good laugh make sure you wear some boots. You never know what kind of comments people...or should I say males...will make.

brb

Like my friend, I think I've been suffering from a severe case of writers block...and lack of motivation. Combine that with a computer that is unusually slow lately and you get this.

A lot is going on. 

I will catch up sooner or later. 

 Until then.  

Peace and blessings.

{ the next snuggie }

This quite possibly may be the best thing since the
Snuggie or Bump It. 

It's called the Hug Me Pillow!

Product Description:
The Hug Me Pillow provides comfort as well as peace of mind.

Who wants one??

Found Here

{ kids, do not try this at home }

Tuesday just wasn't my day.

It did not start out well from the get-go. I woke up at 6:45 a.m., as usual and proceeded to shower and dry my hair. Realizing I needed something from my room I went to open my bedroom door.

LOCKED!

Before we continue I probably should tell you that the lock on this door isn't your regular household lock that can be popped with a bobbi-pin or hanger. You know what I'm talking about. Nope. This is a straight up real-key-required lock. 

Problem is I don't have the key.

Multiple thoughts crossed my mind at that moment.

Oh crap. How did my door lock??? I never lock my door. My phone is in there. Why does my stupid door have shut by itself all the time? My car keys are in there. Am I sleep walking now and not know it? Maybe I can borrow my roommates clothes and deal with this later. No. Can't. My bra is in there. How am I supposed to get to work ... and look presentable?

Being a problem solver I immediately went and grabbed our spare house key. That has to work! Why wouldn't it?

The key slipped right in. Success. I went to turn it. Fail.

With no other option at the moment I continued to get ready. I mean the least I could do was do my hair, put on my make up and brush my teeth. Those were things I could do without having to get into my bedroom.

I decided to wait for Holly to get up. She would be up soon. Maybe she had the answer. She at least would have her phone.

Holly suggested I call our landlord. I hesitated as we have no confidence in him. He's a flighty, unreliable, and slow to fix things at our house. We've been trying to get our dishwasher fixed for five months. That's besides the point.

In desperation I called him. He said he didn't have a key. What? How can you not have a key to the bedrooms in YOUR house? He proceeded to tell me he could stop by and take a look at noon. Noon? Seriously? Don't you know I have to work? I am NEVER renting from you again. I was even more frustrated with my predicament as I hung up.

Another thought ran through my mind. My window is open. Maybe I could climb onto the roof and climb through my window. Holly and I evaluated the possibility. Too steep? Maybe. I was desperate though. I had no other option ....unless I wanted to wait until noon for my landlord to come, confirm that the door was indeed locked and call a locksmith. Not worth my time.

I took off the screen to Holly's bedroom window and climbed onto the roof....held on for dear life and scaled the house to my window.

More thoughts.

I think I've hit a new low in my life. Don't look down. Don't you dare fall. I probably look like a complete fool. Could I get out of my lease for having to do this?

Phew. Made it. I broke my screen in the process of climbing into my room, but at that point I didn't care. Landlord can pay for that. I risked my life because of his stupidity. 

Needless to say I finally got in and unlocked my door. Made it to work 45 minutes late. I got a Diet Coke on the way. After my morning I deserved it!

Unbeknown to me, while I was scaling the roof Holly snapped a photo. 

Here I am in all my morning glory!

Please note the school bus passing in the background. To which I advise, kids, do not try this at home! And make sure your doors are ALWAYS unlocked...to your bedroom at least.

Infamous Betsy

Aunt  Helen and Betsy

 

I want to tell you a little story.

Maybe this will shed some light on some of the comments I have made in the past. Maybe this will simply be informational. Maybe this is just because I was going down memory lane.

I want to tell you about Betsy.

Betsy was my Great Aunt Helen's dear friend. I always remember her being very kind and pleasant to be around. Betsy developed Alzheimer and has since passed away. But Betsy has become, and continues to be, an integral part of our family ... though at the time we knew her I'm sure she had no idea what an impact she would have on us.

Somewhere in her stages of Alzheimer's, my Aunt Helen and Betsy visited us in Washington from Arizona. It was a summer evening and we of course were having our Sunday dinner on my parent's back patio. We were all enjoying each others company when all of the sudden Betsy took out her wallet and started handing us kids ten, twenty and fifty-dollar bills like it was candy!

Betsy wouldn't take no for an answer when we told her we couldn't accept the money. I think by the end she had given me alone eighty dollars in cash. That seemed like gold in my middle-school-aged mind.We all had a good laugh because, bless her heart, she wasn't all the way there at that time. We of course snuck all of the cash back into her purse before they left that night.

From then on, for the rest of the week, month and next several years, every time we would ask my mom for money would address her as Betsy.  

Betsy can I have money for this shirt? Betsy I need these shoes! Betsy can I get some money for school fees? Betsy the car needs to be filled up with gas. When it came to money, my mom was Betsy.

Even in college my roommates became well acquainted with Betsy through the U.S. Postal Service. Every time I received mail and the return address had the name Betsy on it ... they knew just what was inside. More than once I would walk in the door and one of them would say Lisa, your mom sent you money. There the envelope would be sitting on the kitchen table. Unopened. And they already knew exactly what was inside.

Betsy has evolved into more of a family joke than anything. We even tease my mom when we go shopping that we want Betsy to come along. So when the brand Betsey Johnson came to be, it was only natural that we give my mom some jewelry from that line. It seemed like the fitting thing because my mom is Betsy Johnson. Every time I pass anything Betsey Johnson in a department store I laugh and smile to myself as I pass by.

This may help you understand our lingo in the Johnson household a little more. So every time you hear any of us refer to Betsy, you now know why.

In our household, we love Betsy. Love her for so many reasons. Do not be surprised if one of us name one of our children Betsy. That is how much of an integral part the name Betsy, and Betsy herself, has become in our family.

Oh Betsy ... what would we have done all these years without you.

{ exercise, endorphins & my new boyfriend }

Elle Woods couldn't have said it better ...

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."

The time has come. I finally have decided to introduce you to my boyfriend. Actually we've been together a while, though I've realized lately just how much I like him. His name is Gym (also known as the treadmill).  

You see...Gym isn't like the other boys. Gym is reliable. I always feel better after I see Gym. We can spend lots of time together and never get sick of each other. I can go to Gym and let out both my excitement and frustration ... depending on the day. There are no surprises with Gym. I don't have to worry if he will be there, because he will. Sometimes I have a hard time making Gym a priority, but every time I do I am glad I did. We have spent many a weekend nights together (more than I'd like to admit). But who cares. I like Gym. A lot. Gym makes me happy!!! I think I'll continue seeing Gym (maybe more now that swimsuit season is here). I think I'll even have a date with him tonight.

{ sometimes you just need a good laugh }

And it seems I've needed a lot of that lately. Laughing. What better way to make you laugh than your favorite You Tube videos, right? I can't tell you how many times I have watched this video since Stephie introduced it to me. Many of these statements and quotes have made their way into my daily conversations. It never ceases to make me laugh. Believe me it gets funnier every time!

Maybe I need to take tips from this classy lady to "get my man" because lets be honest at this point I need all the help I can get.  Oh wait.....
"it ain't gonna Haahhh-pppenn."

{ i fee like ... }

... I have been hit by a train. I haven't hurt this bad in so long.

Seriously.

Why?

Click Here.

And don't laugh. Ok I guess you can.

Stupid Snuggie.

{ i like you, i love you }

The past week was a whirlwind. A lot to share soon.

My birthday was on Sunday. I am definitely one spoiled girl. I loved everything I received ... but this drawing melted my heart.


The best part might be our hands, maybe our purple ears, or the fact that I have a cat on a leash. Why the cat? I hate cats. No really. I do. I even have been known to unintentionally be hostile toward them. I killed our family cat (definitely by accident -- eh hem PETA people). Maybe this is Alli and Kylie's subliminal attempt to get me to like cats again. Doubt it. But if anything would...it would be this drawing.